How to sleep well
The secret to sleep & why it’s tricky
Mastering sleep. No one has actually done this. Sure, there are sleep doctors and experts and podcasters, and most of them have admitted to struggling with sleep. Why? Because sleep is about trust (more on that below) and it fluctuates—affected by temperature, circulation, liver, hormones, digestion, emotions, desires, brain function, light, dark, planetary movements, environment, geography.
So what are we to do? Finding balance in chaos is developing a structure: laying a foundation, building a container, and developing a toolbox so that when sh*t hits the fan, we have some stability to go with the flow. And at best, we are able to laugh in the face of chaos and say “bring it on!” So what’s a structure for a lovely night’s rest? That’s up to you. This article has plenty of insight to get your started, plus at the bottom you can download a PDF with my top ten powerful practices for sleep.
Sleep is a trust fall
"Falling" asleep is about how well you can hold yourself—how much you take care of your basic needs and desires on a spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical level. Woah! That’s a lot, I know. We are humans after all—if you’re slightly confused and off balance sometimes, that just means you’re doing it right: being human. But that’s just it, sleep comes when we are a human being, not a human doing.
In other words, does your mind and body trust you enough to completely let go? For most of us, that's a "no," because (1) we are not listening to ourselves, (2) we have internal conflict, (3) we are not processing our emotions, (4) we are not living in rhythm with nature (pssst... we are nature, so this would mean we’re fighting our own natural state—fighting and sleep don't mix), or (5) maybe there are lovely little ones or well-meaning partners that simply disturb your sleep vibe. You don’t have to work on these alone, please contact me for support.
Don’t fret. There are super simple shifts you can make that not only improve your sleep, but your entire day—your life! First, I want to tell you a bit more about sleep, so that you are empowered to welcome sleep as your guest of honor, rather than waiting around for it to knock you out (an inconsistent and desperate shut-down of your system.)
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The science
The body’s electrical system—your central nervous system—needs to defuse at night. It needs to chill. That’s why, if you’re like me, you’ve tried a variety of “chill pills” from kava to CBN to gaba—you name it! And if you’re also like me, those work super well at first, or for just one part of sleep and not the whole experience, and then you’re back to your old struggles.
The answer: Show your brain (the master of your central nervous system) how to down regulate—how to switch from sympathetic (doing) to parasympathetic (being). Do this by integrating on-and-off switching throughout the day with just a few deep breaths every hour, a 2-minute meditation at your desk, or a sunset walk to release the day and make that mental switch toward cozy, safe, and sound (toward sleep). This is super subtle, but it works! Just pick a few things to incorporate into your days and try it for at least two weeks.
Pro tip: Doing one big meditation, or only a long bath, or only the mind-freeing exercise is better than nothing, but not as effective for down-regulating the nervous system as integrating small practices through the day. Think of it as procrastinating vs. working with milestones.
Double pro status: The nervous system likes fat. Be sure you have lots of healthy fats in your diet to satiate your body—to feel safe and held. And especially for those of us that are prone to light sleep after 2 a.m., this is a sure sign that you could benefit from adding warm, gooey and heavy foods into your diet, and perhaps a bit of fat before bed like a warm cup of spiced milk.
Our sleep cycle is a series of five distinct stages of operation, the fourth of which is the juicy stage. When your brain enters this Delta wavelength state it does all the cleansing, clearing, upgrading, and restoring—this is the goal of sleep, to have 20% (about 1.5 hours) of Delta sleep per night. Yet, if our sleep is disturbed before we reach Delta, then the cycle restarts, so interrupted sleepers can be extremely depleted of this necessary rest. A good way to know if you reached Delta is if you dreamed, because the R.E.M state of dreaming is the final stage of sleep.
The answer: Did your Grandma ever say, “Nothing good happens after midnight”? She was right! Even when it comes to sleep. Delta cycles are about 18 minutes each, yet span longer in the early part of nighttime. So if you’re in bed by 10 p.m., the Delta stage of your sleep cycle is doing more for you than during those a.m. sleep hours.
Pro tip: Do your best to ensure uninterrupted sleep. Use an eye mask, ear plugs, and if you have little ones or a bedmate on a different sleep schedule, consider making adjustments to your sleep arrangements (for example, you can start small with sleeping “on vacation” in another room one night per week).
Our liver is in charge of processing everything we ingest: food, emotions, environment. A happy liver is a peaceful presence: clear skin, clear head, hormonal balance, high energy, and overall moving and feeling at ease. While there are many things we can do to support our livers in processing the overload that is our modern life, one of the most important practices is to be asleep by 10 p.m. Why? This is the liver’s time to do the dirty work. You may have noticed your second wind kicks in around 11 p.m. or that you get hungry again by 10 p.m. That’s because our liver has become active in its nighttime janitorial duties, and if you are not asleep and allowing it to do this extra cleanup work, then you are burning the fire of tomorrow and preventing the trash from being taken out. In other words, you’re going to feel gunky and slumpy.
The answer: Eat your last meal by 7 p.m. and be asleep by 10 p.m., so your liver and digestive system can do its job
Pro tip: Try setting down the tv and phone an hour before bed to stop ingesting information that your brain and liver have to process.
Sleep as a concept
You want a magical life? Embrace nighttime. It's when all your efforts and energy go inward—from doing, going, and outward projections to being, restoring, and inside revelations. Sleep is when our brain and body is completely allowed to work on itself instead of on all that other stuff. Bonus: the biggest secrets you keep from yourself (your path to healing and bliss) are revealed through your dreams during these magical hours of stillness.
The answer: Listen to your emotions and your needs What do you care about? What are you telling yourself to do, but not doing?
Why day is important for night
Back to science here. It is simply evolutionary fact that we work with the sun, and that our bodies (as 70% water) are effected by the pull of the moon. In the morning, there is a solar wavelength transmitted by our eyes as the queue we need for our pituitary gland to begin its hormonal cascade for the day—scheduling melatonin to kick into action 12 hours from that exposure.
The answer: Go outside for 20 minutes every morning before 11 a.m., without a glass or filter between you and the sky. You can be under an overhang, you can work on your laptop, it can be cloudy—you just have to be out there with your eyes open. That’s it.
Pro tip: Switch to red lights or candles after sunset so your body knows the sun has set. This practice can increase melatonin by 50%. Warning: you will start to feel sleepy a lot earlier than you have been. (I still watch tv at night. I do! I keep it on a warm, low light setting.)
Shifting toward better sleep
If you’re like me, you try to do it all at once, and end up not knowing what is working, and then fizzle out and do nothing. Pick one practice to incorporate at a time, then you know how it works and what its value is for you. Plus, you’ll have more success implementing one thing at a time. Keep in mind, some shifts like calming the nervous system can effect us on such a deep level that it takes weeks or even months to see complete results. Other shifts, like light exposure, are so hardwired to our daily bodily rhythms that you will see immediate results.
Overall, lifestyle practices and health is ultra personal and results vary based on your individual body, environment, and the length of time you’ve been suffering. Seeking support can be helpful for navigating these variables, or simply having someone to reassure you of your—no doubt—tremendous journey. Please contact me for support with sleep, energy levels, scheduling, or simply feeling your best.
If you are adding supplements, changing prescriptions, or suffering from a major health condition, please seek the support of a licensed medical doctor.
